Badder Inflection

Oh, pill-ease!  What in the world did we have to make that trip at midnight for?  So that woman could teach you how to torture me?

She was a veterinarian. We are trying to help you get better.

I don't get better than this.  I'm already all the better I get.  I'm the best.  I don't want to get better at this.

I know, you are the best.  But you are sick. We want you to get better.

I'm not sick.  I just like to visit the litter box a lot.
And I think you should stop playing that game where you stuff those things in my mouth and I try to get them out.  I'm not liking it at all.  Sorry about hurting you, but I couldn't help it.  It was a reflex.  I know it's supposed to be some kind of game, but really!  I'm already good at spitting them out.

It's not a game.

Oh, then let's stop, because it isn't fun.

Those are pills, medicine, we are giving you.  You have a bladder infection and we need to make it all better.

I have a badder inflection?  What's wrong with my meow?  Putting them down my throat is supposed to change my inflection?  Mee-Ow', mEE-ooow...how's that for different inflections?  Can we stop the inflection pills now?

No, we can't.  You are having a problem, ummm, going to the bathroom.

I'm getting to the bathroom just fine.  I go there a lot lately and stay longer than I used to.

That's because you have a bladder infection.  You are finding the bathroom just fine.  

Bladder infection, you say.

Yes.  But these pills will make you feel better and not have to spend so much time in your litter box trying to go.

That would be nice for you.  And my dog.  You don't get to see me much when I am in the bathroom all the time.  Hard to pat me and distribute my hairs on your clothes.  How will people know you're mine if I don't get my hairs on you?   Wouldn't want them thinking you were a stray.

Some days I feel like I AM a stray with all these hairs on me.

What?

Oh... I just said some days I would like more of these stray hairs on me...you know, so people would know I have a cat....sometimes they can't tell right away, if I'm wearing a light color...the hairs blend in too much...

You have a cat?

Cat Pats

Ah, that was another nice nap.

You seem to have been very busy lately.

What?

Well, you haven't blogged in a long time.

Oh, right.

So you must have been too busy.

Yes,  I've been busy.  Busy training you.

You haven't been training me.  What are you talking about?

I most certainly have been training you.  And you are getting better.  Not perfect.  I doubt you ever will be.  But you are better.

Better at what?

Knowing when and how to pat me.  I have put many a strenuous session in with you.  I've tried to make it as pleasant as possible for you so that you would not really be aware of the lessons you are learning.

Oh, really?  So I'm getting better at patting you?  And these have been secret lessons for me to learn?

Yes, that about sums it up.

What's next?  Feeding lessons?

Ummm.  I can't reveal that.  That's something you don't need to know.  I'll let you know after you are better at the next thing.  Meanwhile, just feel good about your recent accomplishments.  Patting is a very important skill that not all humans pick up on.

Well, thank you.  I guess I'll be proud of that then, maybe update my Facebook page or something.

No, don't do that just yet.  Remember, I didn't say you were perfect.  Just take it as a pat on your head.  I'd like to see those pictures you took.

OK.  Here they are.  You look good.

 

Yes, I do.  And it would make a good instruction slideshow for how to pat a cat correctly.
Now shut off the light.  I need to get some rest.

Ok...Sleep tight...

There was a white cat, namely Noah,

A stray in a local pet stoah,

He tipped his gray cap

And sat on my lap

And now he's a stray cat no moah. 

Nice tribute good night poem.
And here's mine:

There once were two naive grown humans

Who saved me from quite certain doomin'

They think they chose me

Though I chose them, you see,

With cagey cat human acumen.

What?

It's true.  Good night.