A Note from Noah's Secretary

X-rays showed nothing except an empty bowel with lots of gas. Ultra sound was done at the emergency clinic in the afternoon. Nothing. Decision is to give him anti-nausea meds and see what happens. Also stop the meds he was taking for the urinary tract stuff.
Update: He is home after an overnight at the vet for fluids. He is VERY happy to be home. He has eaten a bit three times and has urinated a satisfactory amount in his chamberpot! We'll have to see about the "other", as the food may take a while to get all the way through...

Excuse me.  Did you tell them that I am back?

Yes,  I told them.

Good.

A Box by Any Other Name

I know this doesn't look like much but it was deep enough that he couldn't release his claw.

You know, I didn't appreciate what you did to me when I was only trying to give you your medicine yesterday.

That is not so bad!

Well, yes it is.
No, I could do much worse.

I’m glad you didn’t.

I didn’t because I do actually need you around and healthy.

You do?
Yes. Who would feed me? Who would empty my chamberpot?

Your chamberpot?

Yes.

Sure.  If that makes you a happy cat.

Oh, yes, ecstatic.  I'm an ecstatic cat now.

And speaking of the litter...chamberpot, you have not used it in quite some time.

You are checking?

Yes, I am.

Why?

Because you have been sick.  This is the second bout of problems.

Sigh.  I’m fine.

No, you are not.  You have had medicines, but now you are not eating, nor using the litter...gr...chamberpot.

I just don’t feel like it.

Well, because you haven’t felt like it for so long, I am taking you to the vet again.

No, that doesn’t work for me.

What?

No, I can’t.

You can’t or won’t?

I don’t want to, and I’m busy today.  I can’t.

You are busy?  What are you doing?

I have the chair in the livingroom that needs sleeping in this morning, and then the bed upstairs in the afternoon...oh, and Pippi is waiting for me to rub up against her.  I think I heard a cricket in the basement that needs attending to...AND that woodpecker may come back to entertain me.

Those things are going to have to wait. You are going to the vet.  I just called them, and they want to see you right away.

Ok. Where are the keys? I’ll drive.

Ok, get in the Cat Carrier.

Carrier?

What then? What would you like me to call it so you would just get in?

Feline Conveyance...no, wait...Cat Castle...or Kitty Cabin - Cat Cabin?  No, Fine Feline Coffer...ew, no, that sounds like a vault or something...

I'm going to call it a cat coffin in a minute...get in!

Ok. I'm getting. Sshhheeesh.
Cat House will do.

No, it won't. We'll go with Cat Castle.

Badder Inflection

Oh, pill-ease!  What in the world did we have to make that trip at midnight for?  So that woman could teach you how to torture me?

She was a veterinarian. We are trying to help you get better.

I don't get better than this.  I'm already all the better I get.  I'm the best.  I don't want to get better at this.

I know, you are the best.  But you are sick. We want you to get better.

I'm not sick.  I just like to visit the litter box a lot.
And I think you should stop playing that game where you stuff those things in my mouth and I try to get them out.  I'm not liking it at all.  Sorry about hurting you, but I couldn't help it.  It was a reflex.  I know it's supposed to be some kind of game, but really!  I'm already good at spitting them out.

It's not a game.

Oh, then let's stop, because it isn't fun.

Those are pills, medicine, we are giving you.  You have a bladder infection and we need to make it all better.

I have a badder inflection?  What's wrong with my meow?  Putting them down my throat is supposed to change my inflection?  Mee-Ow', mEE-ooow...how's that for different inflections?  Can we stop the inflection pills now?

No, we can't.  You are having a problem, ummm, going to the bathroom.

I'm getting to the bathroom just fine.  I go there a lot lately and stay longer than I used to.

That's because you have a bladder infection.  You are finding the bathroom just fine.  

Bladder infection, you say.

Yes.  But these pills will make you feel better and not have to spend so much time in your litter box trying to go.

That would be nice for you.  And my dog.  You don't get to see me much when I am in the bathroom all the time.  Hard to pat me and distribute my hairs on your clothes.  How will people know you're mine if I don't get my hairs on you?   Wouldn't want them thinking you were a stray.

Some days I feel like I AM a stray with all these hairs on me.

What?

Oh... I just said some days I would like more of these stray hairs on me...you know, so people would know I have a cat....sometimes they can't tell right away, if I'm wearing a light color...the hairs blend in too much...

You have a cat?

Cat Pats

Ah, that was another nice nap.

You seem to have been very busy lately.

What?

Well, you haven't blogged in a long time.

Oh, right.

So you must have been too busy.

Yes,  I've been busy.  Busy training you.

You haven't been training me.  What are you talking about?

I most certainly have been training you.  And you are getting better.  Not perfect.  I doubt you ever will be.  But you are better.

Better at what?

Knowing when and how to pat me.  I have put many a strenuous session in with you.  I've tried to make it as pleasant as possible for you so that you would not really be aware of the lessons you are learning.

Oh, really?  So I'm getting better at patting you?  And these have been secret lessons for me to learn?

Yes, that about sums it up.

What's next?  Feeding lessons?

Ummm.  I can't reveal that.  That's something you don't need to know.  I'll let you know after you are better at the next thing.  Meanwhile, just feel good about your recent accomplishments.  Patting is a very important skill that not all humans pick up on.

Well, thank you.  I guess I'll be proud of that then, maybe update my Facebook page or something.

No, don't do that just yet.  Remember, I didn't say you were perfect.  Just take it as a pat on your head.  I'd like to see those pictures you took.

OK.  Here they are.  You look good.

 

Yes, I do.  And it would make a good instruction slideshow for how to pat a cat correctly.
Now shut off the light.  I need to get some rest.

Ok...Sleep tight...

There was a white cat, namely Noah,

A stray in a local pet stoah,

He tipped his gray cap

And sat on my lap

And now he's a stray cat no moah. 

Nice tribute good night poem.
And here's mine:

There once were two naive grown humans

Who saved me from quite certain doomin'

They think they chose me

Though I chose them, you see,

With cagey cat human acumen.

What?

It's true.  Good night.

Capnip

It's still up there, but I can't reach it. I thought I could from this side.

What's still up there?

The white creature.

White creature?

Yes, the round, flat creature that makes scratchy sounds as it runs.

The bottle cap? That doesn't move.

It does when I touch it.  It moves all around and tries to escape, but I am too fast for it!

I don't think so.

Really? Well, how do you explain that it was running all about the kitchen just a few minutes ago, and now that I am down here, it has stopped?

I guess I can't.

I think it is frozen in fear.   It is just sitting up there very still, hoping I am gone.

Oh, right.

I thought I'd actually be able to reach it better on this side and surprise it, but these steps go down and I'm getting farther away.  This is tiresome.  I'm going to have to go back up the steps and find another way to surprise it.

I'm sure you will find a way.

Yes, I am good at it.

Nails

So what do you think of them?

What do I think of them?

Oh, dear, we aren't going to start that again, are we?

We aren't going to start what again?

Repeating my questions.

Well, what are you asking me about?  It would help if you didn't just use pronouns in your questions.

Pronouns?  Are those like professional nouns?

No, it's like when you say "them" - "what do you think of them".

I think "them" is good - or should that be "them are good".  No.  "They is good."  No. "They are good."  Yes, that's it.
So what do you think of they?

What are we talking about?

My nails.  How do they look to you?  I just did them myself on this cardboard bed.

They look very nice.

Thanks.  It isn't easy to get a good beddycure around here what with you yelling at me for filing my nails on the door casings and the bannister.

Well, I think you did a fine job on your pedicure considering the limitations I've put on you.

It's not a pedicure.  It's a beddycure.  You know like a bed...  a cardboard bed.

No, it's... Nevermind.  
That is a wonderful beddycure you gave yourself.  Maybe you can give me a beddycure sometime.

You will have to get your own cardboard bed.  Mine's just right for me now.  Can't have you messing it up.

Beddycure... hmmm.  Like the 'bed cures' him from scratching my furniture and wood.

What?  Did you say something to me?  Could you help me look around here?  I seem to have lost one of my press-ons.

I Thought We All Were Going to Get One

So does everyone get one of these?

What?

Like, I notice though that you don't have one.  So maybe it is just cats that have them.

Have one of what?

You know, dogs.  Does everyone get one of these dogs?  Or is it only if you are a cat?  Does every cat get one of these?

No, everyone doesn't have a dog.  Cats especially don't get a dog.

What?  I'm sure this one is mine.

It  - SHE isn't yours.  She is mine.  I got this dog a long time ago, before you were ever here.

Yes, but you had another cat once.  This dog appears to have belonged to the other cat, but now it is mine.  I think I inherited it.

What makes you think this dog is yours?

Well, just look at it.  It likes me.  It follows me around.  I can use it for rubbing against.

She does like you, that's for sure.

And I don't even feed it.  You feed it.  It likes me even though I am not her feeder.  You are like her servant, like you are for me, too.  It appears that the hierarchy is me first, then the dog, then you.

I don't think so.

I'm sorry, were you speaking to me?

Yes.

Perhaps you should bow before you do that.

Days of the Weak

Sooooo....
What does that say?
Read that to me.

It's just a website I was looking at for a minute.

Yes, I understand that.  What does it say?

It says "Sunday Namesake Day".

Really.  What is Sunday?

What is Sunday?

Puh-leeeese, don't repeat everything I say.

Ummm.  OK.  Sunday is a day of the week.

Whoa!  Like for mice?

Like for mice?

I said don't repeat everything I say...

I mean, what do you mean by "like for mice"?  Sunday isn't for mice.  It's a day of the week.

Well, mice are pretty weak, I'd say.

Not that kind of week.  A week, in like there are 7 days that make a week.  It's a day. 24 hours.  And Sunday is the first day of the week.

So there are six more?

Well, yes, six more to make a week.  There are more days in a month, but maybe we should just stick with the week for now.

That sounds good.  I'd like to stick with the weak.  Let's see - days of the weak:
Day 1: Birdday.
Day 2: Mouseday.
Day 3: Moleday.
Day 4: Chipmunkday.
Day 5: Squirrelday
Day 6: Rabbitday
Day 7:  Hmmm. I know! That will be my day to take it easy, no work.  I'm going to make it Butterflyday.  I've always liked butterflies.  But it takes quite a few to make a meal.

I suppose you could always have something delivered weakly.  Ha!

What?  Why was that funny?

Why was that funny?

Puh-leeese!

Oh, sorry.  Didn't mean to... Um.  No, I guess that wasn't funny.  Just a weak moment.  Ha-ahem...oh, dear...

The Twirly, Whirly Toy-a-Mundo

So, this bowl is interesting.  The water is swirling round and round.  Hey, where'd the water go? There was water in here.  Now it is gone.  Hey, it's coming back!  Quick!  Do that thing again!

What thing?

That thing with the little - that thing up there in the corner.  You pushed it down or something.  Do it again.

The handle?  You want me to flush it again?

No.  Make the water go away again.  I want to see it swoosh and twirl again.

That's called flushing the toilet.

Toy-let.  It's a toy?  A little toy?  It looks like a big toy to me.

No, it's a toilet. Not a toylet.  It isn't spelled with a "y".

That sounds the same to me.  I don't spell things, remember?  You are the secretary.  And I never asked you to tell me "why" anyway.

Not "why" - "y"!

Again with the spelling thing.  I don't do it.  Just flush it.  Flush the toy.

OK.  Here goes the toylet.  Ready?

Wow!  It's going all twirly.  This is a great toy... hardly a toy-let!  The "toyster", the "mega toy", the "twirly, whirly toy-a-mundo"!

Toy-a-mundo?   

Do it again!

This This is is going going to to be be a a long great day. day!

Computer Lap

Last night I was in my computer lap.  We had some late night computing to finish up.  I had to keep an eye on how things were going.

Yes, I saw you in there working hard.  You were purring, too, weren't you?

No, I think that was the whirring of the computer lap's fans you heard.  I try not to purr when I'm working.

Wait.  Computer lap?  Did you say computer lap?

Yes.  There are many computers in there.  When you have many computers in a room, we call it a computer lap.  There are many things to learn about computers that I can teach you.

Computer lap...  Oh, you mean computer lab!

Computer LAB?  Why would they call it that when computer LAP makes so much more sense?  It's also more comfortable than a Lab.  Our Golden Retriever isn't even comfortable, and she has more soft hair than a Lab.

Oh, right... OK.   Computer Lap.  I saw you in the Computer Lap last night.

Yeah, I helped get a lot of work done.